SHOW UP TO THINGS

A lot of people didn't show up. A lot of people don't show up. A lot of people will never show up.


I want to be the person that shows up, I want to be the person that's reliable, and I haven't been able to be that lately. I think it's because I've been putting other people first for far too long. I've been being what everyone else wants to be instead of what I am and what I want to be.

I want to be a creative genius, unmatchable on all levels. I want to be able to see things that other people can't, because the creative space is an extension to my body, and I know it better than anyone else.

I used to be in a position where I could have an (out of body experience) in relation to my work. I used to be able to view it bird's-eye style and know how well it functioned as a piece, or would hold up in exhibition without having to guess, or worry about it. Perhaps I have gained experience or knowledge that allows me to see the flaws in my work. Perhaps I've adapted a negative insight into things that means I cannot appreciate them as much as I used to. However, I cannot explore as freely or as diligently as I was once able to; I've hit a wall and need to find a way to climb over it. Perhaps I need to go back a few steps to pick up the ladder I left behind somewhere.

The internet was only invented about fifteen years ago. It was an idea pioneered to allow scientists to transmit data instantaneously across the world; experiments were not duplicated but added to and improved on. Results could be shared and checked across continents. It was revolutionary.

Now the internet is used for the likes of social media and pointlessness. People spend more time online than the do in reality. (she says, writing a blog post).

People are so concerned with how to work within the system(relatable to the number of followers, for example) that they forget what exists outside of the system(making themselves valuable on physical and intellectual merits rather than media merits).

I've never known what I wanted and I don't think I will for a long time. However I need to stop making the people around me happy and focus on myself.

In the physical world, I can't keep up with current affairs. I've never left the country by myself. I can't manage my money. I know exactly how and what I should consume, but I never seem to be able to bring myself to consume it.

Writing this has made me realise that I don't know a lot. I don't know why I live the way I live.

I'm far too comfortable in my house, In my room, surrounded by my things.

So comfortable in fact, that I'm a little restless and stir crazy and ready to run out of the country as soon as I can and begin a life where I don't have to wake up in the same bed every day bar the two week holiday I get in the summer...







This post was written in December 2016 and never published... Looking back at it I'm glad I didn't, but it's a great reflection piece in hindsight.

WHICH FOUNDATION COURSE?!

So, I'm at a point in my life where I have to decide which university I want to go to next year to do a Foundation Diploma in Art and Design. I have a total of a week and two days in which to do this.

 As you may (or may not be) aware, foundation courses for Art and Design don't use the standardised system for university application that is UCAS (Universities and Colleges Admissions Services), but in order to apply for these courses, there are a series of hurdles one has to jump over.

Step 1: Establish the course exists.

I decided that I was going to apply for Art and Design on the day that people were filling in standard UCAS applications. This posed a problem for me as it was already October, I thought I would have to apply for degree couses, and I had no portfolio, no experience, and no clue in general.

After several hours on the Internet I found out about UAL, UCA, Kingston, and other places that were reputable for their Art and Design courses. 

I then discovered this so called "foundation".

Step 2: Realise that the course is free.

I was practically cheering! The foundation course is considered further education rather than higher education, which means there is of course no fee  (as long as you're under 19) (and this excludes material costs, which comes in at around £250 for the year, depending on where you go. -Plus personal supplies of course, which you can budget-manage as you please). But, with no fee comes **NO STUDENT LOAN**. This means that while there is no tuition cost, there is also no money to put you up in digs... 

...unless you've robbed a bank in your not-so-distant-past.

Step 3: Choose where to apply.

Now, I know this one sounds simple. However there are loads of places to choose from- all depending on where you live in the UK (or abroad for that matter).

Personally,I think being so close to Heathrow makes me super lucky.

I'm within an hour and a half of UAL's CSM, two hours of Camberwell, an hour's drive from UCA's Farnham, and around half of that from Kingston's Campus.

All in all, I have the best facilities for these courses on my doorstep, so can live at home while I work my butt off next year.

Step 4: Open Days, Portfolio and Applications.

Now, I've put these three all under the same heading because I'm not entirely sure which one came first.

It all kind of happened at once.

As the applications for these courses are usually due in towards the end of January, I recall the open days happening in October/November time... but can't remember too well. The trick is to check the university/college websites from August through 'till application deadline day so that you're as informed as you can possibly be. Things change all the time.

For me, the Christmas Holidays were a lifesaver- they allowed me to finish putting my portfolio together and work on my applications. The most frustrating part of the process was having to input my details, plus 10+ GCSEs and 3 A-Levels into every application portal. 

I figured applying to 5 or 6 courses in total stood me in good stead for some interviews and offers, and I ended up applying to:

1. Uxbridge College

2. East Berkshire College, Windsor

3. Fareham College, (In the Portsmouth direction)

4. University for the Creative Arts, Farnham Campus

5.Kingston University, Knights Park Campus

5. University of the Arts London, Central Saint Martins

And I ended up carrying my A1, white sheet, intensely worked portfolio to each of these for an interview.

*cheers*

Top Tip:

Buy one that:

• Doesn't need plastic wallets and holds your work nicely under a strap or something.
• Has a nifty handle half way down so you can hold it under your arm
• Is economically good value- in the middle of your price range, and will last for as many years of Art and Design education that you plan on engaging in until you have a paying job that buys you a new one.

I paid £35 for a Portfolio and £40 for 15 plastic wallets, but this is not something I I will be doing again. The Portfolio itself is ok looking, but the binders open with any significant weight placed on them. But the wallets weigh so much with work in that it's impossible to compromise with this, and my work fell out about four times before I just gave up putting it back over the binders. 

Or you could simply do what one of the girls at an interview I was at did, and put your work in a cardboard tie-up folio, no plastic required, and sew yourself an amazing folio-holding-bag-situation that's ten times better than anything on the market and looks amazing. (Her one was green with white stripes and black handles and made me totally jealous).

Step 5: Interviews

Arguably, this was the most interesting and fun part of the process. I got interviewed by Farnham and Kingston in a group situation, and had to drop my portfolio off at CSM. 

However, my first interview was at Uxbridge, and was incredibly entertaining.

I got there, was called into a room, then another room, then down a corridor into a third room for the "level 3 diploma interview" I was expecting, to be told that the course I had applied for and my letter stated I had been invited to an interview for didn't exist and wouldn't be running in September.

Gee, thanks everyone.

Next up was Farnham, a beautiful town and campus- and based on location would totally be the place of my choice to go to. It was a group interview with 6-8 of us sat around a table chatting about art work. We selected our favourite piece, and had to talk the group through it bearing in mind intentions, technique, use of media, overall image/viewer impact and so on. This was a good experience, as we got to look at each other's work, and I gained an insight to the "competition" with regards to a place. I believe there are 300 places on their course, but from my understanding Farnham will "make room" for anyone that applies there- as I was told on an open day.

Interview #3 was at Fareham, lovely, polite, 1:1 interview where I was assured I would be in good hands in the new facilities (that were still under construction).

With a small course of 30 this place would be a nice, stress-free working environment.

Interview #4 was at East Berkshire, Windsor. But by this point, I'd rescheduled the interview three times because they kept giving me too little notice- It was always a Wednesday, 3.45pm. The letter would always arrive the Friday before. As I work on a Wednesday night at a place with few staff I couldn't get the time off, as I couldn't anticipate what week the letter would come. Long story short I eventually told them I couldn't make it to their interview(s), and gave up trying to apply there.

Interview #5 was a portfolio drop at CSM, so not strictly an "interview". I didn't feel this experience was highly personal, and was all in all quite intimidating. The Granary Building is HUGE, and super plush with security that doesn't let my mother in when I'm inside... waving at the security man... with my visitor badge... telling him she's my mother...

*sigh*

Anyhow, in the room with the (60?) other candidates for the Diagnostic option, where we all fought to place our heavy portfolios on tables my name was called and I had to collect a piece of paper with my name, details, and "marksheet" on it.

It seemed that I was to be marked out of 10 against a number of criteria, and my offer would depend on whether or not the person reviewing my work checked the box marked "Offer: Yes" as opposed to "Offer: No" right at the bottom.

eek.

I spent 10am-4:30pm wandering the likes of the Lazarides Gallery and the Shops on Oxford Street to distract myself from the harsh criticisms I felt my work would be receiving.

Interview #6 was the last, and most enjoyable interview I had. It was at Kingston, and was again a group interview. It was 10am-11:30am, 12 people in a room, portfolios open, and a 5 minute interrogation into each candidate's motives, work and personal life- and ultimately "Why Kingston?".

We were told they had 1500+ applications, 400 people in for interviews, and were going to select <200 of them for a place.

Uh Oh.

Step 6: Offers- and what I'm currently struggling with, accepting them.

Honestly, at the open day stage, I never thought I would have my portfolio ready, let alone get interviews anywhere, or in fact OFFERS.

But oh my, this is both the best and the worst situation I can be in...

I've received offers from Farnham, Kingston and CSM- all against what I thought would happen. I honestly thought I would struggle to get anywhere.

I've got until the 31st of March to decide where to go/which offers to accept/decline.

I've got mixed thoughts about all of the places:

Farnham has the best facilities/little town/location for access for me personally.

Kingston has an amazing reputation and course leader (she's the only leader I actually met), I know I'll be pushed and challenged with the intensive course structure they have.

CSM... well it's UAL, said to be the best location for Art and Design in the UK. I would meet great people and have a great start... but I don't know how well I'll cope if everything is as impersonal as the portfolio drop.

So please, if you have any questions or advice on what I've written, or anything above has helped you out let me know. 

I'm happy to hear your comments.

-All for you.

THE HIPSTER LIFE #1: CHOKERS

Don't know how this happened but it did.

Over Christmas I've managed to accumulate an amazing amount of so called "hipster" items.

When paired with the things I already had, there's quite a few things. I'll make a list.

#1 - CHOKERS

Exhibit A: 

Moon&Stars Handmade Choker.



I bought this one about four/five years ago with my Mum. One of her old friends makes jewellery and was holding a small sale, and my Mum took me along and offered to buy me one of the pieces (as Lucia, the lady selling the Jewellery was doing 'buy two get one free' kind of deal, so my one was free.). I fell in love with it immediately, as it's mystical, yet kind of elegant, and doesn't really suggest anything sinister like some chokers do. It's my most worn and favourite piece of jewellery to this day.

The next one is something I've had since I was a kiddie. I don't even remember buying it. And admittedly yes, it does remind me of Barbie because it's pink and glittery, and I can imagine it looks kind of babyish... but at the end of the day it's a charm on a black cord and can be labelled 'retro' so hold me back.

Next up, I suppose are the newly-acquired-christmas-chokers that I put on my list :).

There's two of these; the first is the crystal choker that I had to bodge to 'fix', because it was ordered online and the cord was too small (12" when I need 16"). Apart from that, I like the charm, it seems fairly robust and the colours are reasonably true to the photo. (I have the fluorite one that's on the right)- it looks fairly dark inside, but I'm sure the sun will light it up nicely!

And secondly my Radiohead "Down is the new up" Handmade choker on Etsy. [[link]]

I love them all, and acquiring unique, highly personal jewellery is just awesome.

-All for you.

UCA FARNHAM OPEN DAY

UCA FARNHAM OPEN DAY

*FOOD FOR THOUGHT*

One thing that was brought to my attention on the morning of the 28th September 2014 was the amount of thought provoking images out and about, and that we have access to, especially after this one was shown to me the day before at the open day.

 *http://www.studionathancoley.com/works/heaven-is-a-place-where-nothing-ever-happens/images/3*

I've seen heard these words before in Manic Street Preachers'  Rewind The Film: Show Me The Wonder. However, their lyric is:

"Is Heaven a place, where nothing ever happens?" 

I'm pretty sure that other songs/writings etc. use it too... (Talking Heads). 

But as an atheist, I find this quite interesting... what do Christians or religious people actually believe happens in heaven, where all material things are removed?

For some people, this will be a  "comforting message that this promise of an afterlife is without incident". [link] But surely that would be boring? You'd be reduced to gossip and small talk about everyone's life, but the talk would no longer hold meaning or purpose because you're not alive- immortal and drifting.

Anyways, this was a commission for Nathan Coley as part of an action plan to brighten up a town in Kent called Folkestone where "it is blighted with high rates of crime, unemployment and teenage pregnancy". According to this article. I think that this is one of the great things about art; that it's used to make people feel better, transform spaces, places, and mindsets.

(I intend to someday write an post about conceptual art because of this, and how it's about the ideas behind the work rather than the work itself).

Terribly sorry for the deviation from the main point, here are the photos I took at Farnborough:

Entrance

Tapestries

"The Quad"

"The Quad" angle #2

Sculptures

Exhibition #1

Print room

Exhibition #2, amazing sculpture.

Artist of the cool sculpture made of bones: Peter Hanmer.

Outdoor art:

The main thing that I realised at this university is the amazing facilities it has to offer, this is most likely because It's an entire campus, running loads of courses. This means it's not just a foundation site, but has an amazing library/workshop/studio space that everyone studying there has access to.

*thumbs up*

Statue outdoors

OSCARDOG.

-all for you.

THE LAST GREAT ADVENTURE IS YOU- TRACEY EMIN

So, this was cool...

 I haven't really founded a proper, continuous opinion of Tracey Emin's work- as I have yet to conclude what it's about. However, I have an amazing soft spot for her neons:

"The Last Great Adventure is You"

There was also one at the exhibition that said:

"The Soul Will Always Do What It Needs To Do"

The majority of the exhibition was comprised of these kind of drawings, and they lined the entrance corridor. 

I liked them, a stylised kind of figure drawing.

(I also liked the polished concrete floors the gallery had).

Then we came across some tapestry-style-embroidered pieces... 

They made me think about lust, sensation, but at the same time- nothingness.

I think this was really reflected in the bronze casting works that I couldn't take photos of. They had limbs and heads missing, again a kind of emptiness surrounding them, except one figure that was being carried off by a bird. The figure lay on the bird's back, and it looked like they were taking off toward freedom...

I feel kind of sorry for the women lying on the bed sheets, just- 

- "Waiting For You"

As one of them was called.

No freedom-flying-birds for them.

With the clocks going back and all, it was dark by the time we'd left, and the gallery was glowing.

-all for you.

8 GREEK STREET, SOHO.

The Outsiders have a gallery in Soho, that I was lucky enough to visit with my Mum around this time last year to see Stanley Donwood's exhibition: "Far away is close at hand in images of elsewhere". It ran from the 19th September to the 19th October 2013, but (luckily for me and due to high demand) was extended to the 26th of October.

Now, the title itself comes from graffiti that was once on a wall on the way into Paddington station, apparently only visible from incoming trains. Sadly, the walls have since been demolished. However, we can credit two drunk men, the first words from a Robert Graves poem:

"FAR AWAY IS CLOSE AT HAND

CLOSE JOINED IS FAR AWAY 

LOVE WILL COME AT YOUR COMMAND

YET WILL NOT STAY"

*Song of Contrariety*

Paired with a misquoted title of a paper by Ruth Padel:

'Imagery of the Elsewhere' Two Choral Odes of Euripides.

*Euripides was one of the three great tragedians of classical Athens, the other two being Aeschylus and Sophocles*

The reason our friend Stanley decided to name his exhibition after this (if I remember correctly) was because he saw it every day on his way to work, and because it was somewhat thought provoking. 

-Wise.

* Friday Woods*

And on that note, these are in order of appearance- 

from front-to-back-to-downstairs of the gallery, enjoy!

Please be aware that as we move through, it was harder to get hold of the names of the pieces... my bad.

These are mostly my photos, apart from the If you lived here you'd be home by now Screen Prints. 

(But I can't remember where I actually acquired these ones)

*Hurt Hill*
(Spray paints and oils at a guess)

*Winterfolio*

(I think)

*Soken Fen*

*Poor End*

*Nether*
(Personal favourite)

 *Salary Man*

(Screen Print)

These are from the series If you lived here you'd be home by now

Which I suppose, again explores a phrase that has been seen around on travels, and applied to work to give it a purpose. The phrase seems like an advertisement, enticing and persuading, almost mocking people who work in these industrial buildings.

*Cleft Mall*

(Screen Print)
It's described as "another distraught meditation on the hopelessness of the 'suburban experiment'. Go to work in the dark, come home in the dark, company car, traffic jam, nervous headache.'

*The Eraser*

(Wood/Lino Cut?)

*February #4*

(I think) 

(Screen Print)

*No Name atm*

*5th Avenue*

Everything in the exhibition was framed in Ash wood.

*2nd Avenue*

"The Ash tree is currently under dire threat from a disease, called, imaginatively enough, Ash die back"

*1st Avenue*

The Holloways in the drawings no longer exist, and have now been cut down.

(How could the council of Dorset or the owners of such beautiful things and pieces of history do such a thing?!)

*4th Avenue*

Holloways are created by travellers; horse and cart through the fields or along boundaries, and rainwater, and are sometimes 

16-18ft. deep where the stone under the soil is so soft.

*3rd Avenue*

(From powers of deduction)

This Holloway was in Dorset, and the studies were made from memory, which I think has exaggerated their features and the qualities of the trees quite a lot.

All of the above are pencil studies on what looked like very thick; expensive, handmade, ripped edge, A2 size paper, again framed in beautiful, dying wood.

I like the depth in them, It's Hypnotic, like you're subconsciously being pulled into and walking between the trees.

This text was confusing. Printed, and then edited and annotated by hand. It may have been something to do with the HOLLOWAYS book.

*no name atm*

This little collection was delicate, pretty, and complete. Nicely arranged.

*no name atm*

*no name atm*

*no name atm*

*no name atm*

*North*

(Lino/Woodcut... can't be sure)

*no name atm*

*no name atm*

*Blackdown Cloud*

*no name atm*

(laser-etched print?) 

*no name atm*

*Wait here we will come for you*

*no name atm*

*no name atm*

*Vaporised Wait*

*no name atm*

I like that I can call this skilful, yet conceptual art.

This was a long post, and I don't have any intentions of ripping the art or artist off, hence have used low quality photos taken with my smartphone.

I enjoyed this exhibition a lot, and hope to share more things like this with you in the future. This one's currently still a work in progress.

You can find Stanley's blog here:

SLOWLY DOWNWARD

-all for you.